|Ok, yes, I can be neurotic....|
I think this is also true in my daily life. Beyond paper clutter, toy clutter, top-of-the-counter clutter.....life clutter makes me uncomfortable after a time as well.
Like now. Maybe it's the new year, yet everything I do, every activity I'm involved in, every event we attend, the choices we make....I keep asking myself "Why?". Why have I chosen to be involved here? Why do my husband and I allow this in our home? Why are my children involved there? How does this all fit into our life?
Without this active "filtering", I can easily find myself wandering through life, no real focus, no real basis for decisions - big or small. I find myself making decisions based on things like feelings, emotions, money, boredom, just-cause-everyone-else-is-doing-it. Ugh.
So there comes this time - like now - when I just want to sweep all the "clutter" away and start anew. Why do I attend church? (*gasp*...I know) Why do we homeschool? Why do we get all excited about God blessing us with another sweet child? Does this group meet a need in my life right now? What about the modesty and clothing choices for our children? Influences on our children (media, friends)? If I'm going to leave my husband and children for yet another evening, is it worth it? What am I gaining? What am I sacrificing? How am I making conscience efforts to strengthen my marriage and disciple my children??
I'm not saying I should sequester myself at home with my husband and children and avoid all society.....not at all. I love going out with my hubby and getting a break from 24/7 direct-line parenting. I enjoy outings with girl-friends. I like women's activities at church. I like movies. I like dangly earrings, lipstick and pretty outfits as much as the next gal. Yet, if I'm not careful.....I'm just doing whatever makes me happy at the moment. I'm just living in the here & now, not really giving much thought to the why. Why I'm married to Dean. Why I'm the mother to five lil' blessings.
So as I go to add an activity to my calendar, I just want to take a moment and really think: WHY am I making this decision? WHY am I giving my time to this? If God is my focus, how does this fit into my life? Have I even asked God about this? How long has it been since I've prayed about what God wants me to be doing? I have 24 hours a day.....I can honestly only fit in so much. What does GOD want me to be doing? In our home, our marriage, our children's lives, our homeschool, our social life, our community.
Am I filling my days with "fluff" and missing the opportunities God has placed before me?
~Needing prayer more every day~