Tuesday, July 19, 2011

In the midst...

In the midst of the sadness, I find comfort in my family.

My husband, who comes home each evening tired & emotionally exhausted, gives me care and comfort - allowing me to simply "be".  His purposeful lack of expectations takes the pressure off.  His helpfulness not only allows me to rest, it gives me glimpses into his relationship with each of our children.  It is beautiful.

My children are non-judgmental & loving.  Isn't that great about children?  They don't care that I haven't washed my hair in three days, nor that I stayed in bed until 10:30am.  As long as I hug them, love them, read with them, sing with them....they are content.  They seem to understand things other adults can't.  It's an amazing love.

My home.  I really do love my home.  These walls have surrounded us for 2 1/2 years, with many more to come.  It houses my loved ones and I enjoy making this space my own.  It gives me joy to make this house a home, to organize it's spaces, to bring beauty in as well as functionality.  As I gather the excess clutter in certain spaces, I am also able to gather my thoughts, focusing on what is true, right & good.

All of this leads me back to my God.  He is always there.  Not one day has gone by that I have not felt His presence, even when I wasn't purposefully searching Him out.  He stood by me nonetheless, loving me, holding me and understanding me.  It's a good feeling.

Ecclesiastes 3

A Time for Everything
 1 There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a (A)time for every [a]event under heaven— 2 A time to give birth and a (B)time to die; 
A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted. 
3 A (C)time to kill and a time to heal; 
A time to tear down and a time to build up. 
4 A time to (D)weep and a time to (E)laugh;
A time to mourn and a time to (F)dance. 

5 A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones; 
A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing. 
6 A time to search and a time to give up as lost; 
A time to keep and a time to throw away. 
7 A time to tear apart and a time to sew together; 
A time to (G)be silent and a time to speak. 
8 A time to love and a time to (H)hate; 
A time for war and a time for peace.

I have wept & I have laughed.
This may be a time for mourning....but I can't wait to dance~


Anna said...

Hey Lori! Hope you are okay. I was looking at your latest post wondering what you were mourning/ sad about and couldn't find anything. Just ignore me if I'm being nosey, but I was just concerned.

Long time reader and fellow Pastor's wife,

*Michigan Momma* said...

No problem, Anna, not being nosey ;)

We have been going through a miscarriage this past week or so. I had taken pg tests twice (once at a week late, then again a month later), but I had some bleeding here & there so we were unsure.

Last week, blood tests confirmed the numbers were indeed going down and then I started to miscarry in earnest.

I've been trying to rest, but that allows a lot of time for thinking as well...thus the sad post. I'm doing pretty good, actually. Dean & I would be thrilled with another lil' one, so this sadness simply confirmed those feelings for us.

We've been talking a lot with our kids about babies, God's sovereignty, everyday miracles, families, babies as blessings, etc. It's been a good, kinda sad, week.

Thanks for your concern! I wondered if I should post a bit more, but just really wanted to post about sadness and what I was feeling, which wasn't all terrible.

(and p.s. Dean is heading OUT of the ministry in a week! We are looking for another job!! I can't believe it at times, but it is a really GOOD thing ~ now we're just praying for a good job & looking forward to time with our family!!)

Anna said...

Oh Lori, I'm so sorry. So many changes! I'm so glad you are letting yourself just be! What a lesson your kids are learning by watching you and Dean go through this. We've only had one miscarriage and it was before our first was born so I can't imagine how you must be feeling with all the responsibilities of the home on top of healing and grieving!

Please know that I'll be praying for you and your family. Are you planning on staying in the same area? I'll be praying for the perfect job for your husband! My husband is going to get a sabbatical in a few months and we can.not.wait! Ministry can really take it's toll on a man and his family!

Thanks for filling me in. Rest in those promises of the Lord, that His plans are good ones!

*Michigan Momma* said...

Thanks Anna ~ He *is* a good God, that I know!!

We are staying in the area. We love our home, especially with my folks living in the lower level. We also love the area, the people here, some good friends ~ we just feel this is where God wants us right now (and hopefully for a LONG time to come!).

Thanks for your kind words....they mean more than you know~