Friday, March 16, 2007
I know I appear sweet in my pics with my babies but today, I turned into "Mean Momma". Just for about 10 min.
I don't care, it still stinks, even if it was only for 10 min.
I woke up sick and pretty darn tired. I did *great* yesterday at getting up and getting going. I worked HARD yesterday just with day to day normal stuff - then went out for a "date night" with hubby. *sigh* and of course, I didn't get to bed until...hmm...I'm not sure what time it was - but it was not enough sleep. I know this because I hardly remember nursing Elijah at all. When I can't really even wake up enough to feed him, I know I am lacking sleep.
Anyways, I was exhausted this morning - but the facts were Dh still had to go to work today and I still had four babies to take care of. Now "take care of" is really relative. Today, due to how icky I felt, taking care of them simply involved food, diapers, nursing and any other basic care. Minimal discipline. Yet lots of hugs on the couch for anyone who wanted to jump on up and join me.
After lunch, Selah wanted to join me on the couch - she looked so sad and...well....hey! GUILTY!
Then the smell hit me.
Yup, she had pooped in her panties. Ick! For some reason, the older they are when this happens, the more annoying it is. Think about it: when your sweet newborn poops - awww....well heck, it hardly even smells! But when your 4 year old poops - ick!
I got awful mad. Now I was controlled, but I was still upset. And she knew it.
*sigh* I want to be better than the "Mean Momma". There *is* a better way to handle these situations. As soon as I realised how upset I was, I tried to calm down. I backed away, took a deep breath, told Selah that Momma was upset and I needed to calm down a bit. Then I came back, asked her to forgive me for yelling and getting so mad. I then also had to apologize to my other two children who were right there. *sigh again*
Then I told them all that Momma was really going to make every effort to not get "Mean". Now I also told them that this doesn't mean they aren't going to get disciplined. They will still get disciplined if their actions require it - but I will do everything in my power to NOT be mean.
Ooooh. In MY power? That's the problem right there, isn't it? MY power will always lead to failure. Yet if I can give myself wholly into HIS power, let HIM guide my parenting, my emotions....ah-ha! Lightbulb moment, Lori.
Prayer. That's all I can think of right now. Prayer. and lots of it. You can't possibly teach, train, raise these babies without it.
OK, so now help me out - have you been in this situation before? Do you struggle with your emotions? Have you ever lost your temper in front of your children? How do you deal with it then and also avoid it in the future?
For me, I need to get more sleep. Seriously - that will alleviate so many of my problems with this. Also, getting up earlier so I am "ahead of the game". It's when I feel overwhelmed that problems arise. If I need to get up earlier - but also get more rest - well, I'm looking at a much earlier bedtime, right?
Prayer. Giving my parenting over to the Lord. Sleep. Health.
Man, this parenting thing is NOT easy.