Monday, April 2, 2007

a wife, a mother, a housekeeper

(I think I will deal with each of these topics in seperate blogs. There's so much to talk about with each one - I'm just discussing MY PERSONAL battles and thoughts on these topics. I would be blessed to know what each of you thinks and how you have dealt with these three topics yourself.)

A Wife

Okay, I was faced with the reality that I am NOT doing my best to be a helpmeet to my husband. A wife's role has to do with taking care of her husband, of making *his* priorities her own, of looking for ways to please him, to help him. Nope, not doing any of that. In fact, I'm getting miffed because he is not going out of his way to please me. ouch. not good.

But let me tell you, it doesn't take too many nursing sessions of reading Created to be His Helpmeet for me to get my thinking back in order. Yes, I know there has been blogworld controversy over this book, but it has been a blessing in my life. I pray this time around, I will use the wisdom in this book to bless my dh. (I will probably need to keep reading this MANY times throughout my life to get back to basics and really focus.)

Just as an example, last night my dh asked if I would heat him up some leftovers (I was in the process of heating up some for myself). Goodness, everything inside me cried "get up, do it yourself, don't you know how hard I've been working, how much I just want to sit down?!". I thought of how I *should* respond. I then gritted my teeth and ground out a simple "yes". It was all I could manage. How sad is that?

But I do believe it was progress. No, it wasn't said with joy, with an obvious love for serving and helping my husband - but in all reality, it was said in love. It is love for my husband, for the Lord and for my role as a wife, that has me thinking about these things. It is love that compells me to TRY. It is love that helps me TRY to think of him first, TRY to bless him when all I really want is for someone to pamper ME!!

And it *is* progress. I am doing what I know is right and good, even if I'm not doing it with a correct attitude yet. I know my feelings are important, but that will come as I continue to DO what is right. My behavior and my actions are a start. Just because I don't "feel" like blessing my dh is not a good enough excuse.

One of things discussed in this book is the idea of becoming a 'bitter, old woman'. She talks about seeing young mothers headed in that direction. I was kinda scared because as of late, I feel myself headed in that direction. It seemed the only words coming out of my mouth recently were bitter, sarcastic and hurtful. Nothing my husband or children did was good enough. I was always mad, mean or depressed. I can just imagine my dh thinking "man, I do *not* want to go home tonight".

Now I *know* there are a million perfectly good reasons WHY I am feeling like this. I KNOW I just had a baby, I'm so tired from the physical demands of four small children especially with one of them still nursing at night, I miss my husbands extra help as he is so busy with a new job and seminary, etc.etc.etc. Yes, it's a hard time for me. Yes, I bet the world would have me believe I have every RIGHT to be cranky, mad, depressed, whatever. But that's not what THE WORD tells me. The Word tells me it's my role, my responsibility, to bless my dh. Not because he deserves it so much (we all deserve death in reality), but because that's how God ordered marriage.

One more thought: the world would also be "concerned" for poor little Lori. Poor little Lori who is going to make herself a doormat, be stepped all over by her domineering husband, a pitiful Christian wife who subjects herself to cruel treatment.

whatever

Yes, this whole idea of submission can be twisted and perverted and made into something wrong or abusive. Yes, man has managed to pervert almost everything the Lord has put here for our good. But that doesn't mean we turn away from God's ideal. God's plan. We strive to do His will, what He ordained for our good, the best for our lives.


I am also blessed in that my dh is a wonderful, godly man. I'm not here to discuss all the what if's. I believe this command is for ALL wives, not just those with godly husbands. Of course I do not believe a woman should be abused - she should get away and get help. But I still believe God's ideal, God's plan is best. It is what we should all be taught marriage is about and what we should all be striving to obtain in our marriages. God's best. What is better than that??

**so now....how can I best bless my dh??
He is so busy with his job and with seminary - I know it's a matter of time. Of me giving him time to get everything done that he needs to get done - without making him feel guilty for not being here enough, or not helping me enough, or not playing with the kids enough, or whatever. This is VERY hard for me as my exhaustion level is so high these days. I need to focus on getting enough sleep - that will help. I need to focus on my mornings, getting dh off to work without him feeling guilty for leaving his exhausted wife alone at home with so much do. This is my job, my responsiblity. We both have hard jobs. We both have so much going on right now. We are both tired and cranky a lot. But it is my job to be a helper suitable to his needs. And right now, he needs time. One of the things I least want to give him. *sigh*

this is hard.

Thanks for listening. With the Lord's help, I'm hoping I can continue to do what is right, even when I don't feel like it. I also pray that my emotions will begin to follow suit. That soon, when I DO something for my dh, it will be out of love, out of joy, out of a desire to please him, rather than a feeling of obligation to him and to God.

I want my children to see what a godly marriage can be - and that they will desire that for their own marriages in the future. What a heritage we can pass on to them, if we are intentional!

God bless you, tired mothers, and I pray He will give you the desire to be the best possible help to your own husbands~
*Michigan Momma*

2 comments:

Emma said...

Hi Lori!

Thank you so much for posting this! I have alos been trying to have a better attitude towards my husband and my role and his wife and our daughter's mother! What you wrote really encouraged me and has made me feel excited sand inspired to work harder!

I hope that you have a wonderful day!

Love,
Emma

Anonymous said...

What an honest post. I, too, have been in the same position as you are- many times. I try, try, try, and fail, fail, fail- but there are weeks where 'narely a cross word comes out of my mouth! I am trying to get my life to be that way all the time. I fail so many times- but like you said, the most important thing is to keep on trying. Good post. ~Cassandra