Wednesday, April 23, 2008

The whole day long!

What a fun day! Just when you think...well.....just when you are really getting down on yourself, when you're wondering "what's wrong with me?".....God decides to give you that extra blessing, just to remind you how much He loves you!!

I've been feeling pretty lousy as of late. Down on myself. Time spent wondering why I'm not a better wife, better mother, better Christian, better church member, better friend, you name it. I kept wondering why I just seem completely incapable of "doing it all". Yes, yes, I know - I *can't* do it all - duh!!

Then I had a rough morning, cried a lot to my loving dh - then went home - still feeling pretty rotten. I decided to let the kiddos play outside and I could clean out the van (oh. my. goodness. did it ever need cleaned out). I kept thinking "well, I'll get this van done, the kids will play outside, but I won't be able to clean the house, keep up with the laundry, do enough home school, etc.etc.etc.etc...." It seems I have a hard time turning off my inner voice telling me what I'm NOT getting done.

Yet it felt good. I tried to really clean up that van. The kiddos had a good time playing. When I finished, the kiddos took a quiet time which gave me just enough time to get the house a bit picked up before my dh came home. That evening we grilled out and ate our food outside, we played some more at the park, we raked up a whole lotta leaves, we even picked up a gagillion sticks and had an impromptu mini-bon fire. It really was a great afternoon & evening. Just what I needed!!


Then tonight, when my dh went in to tuck in the girls (after I had numerous problems getting them to settle down - but I digress...) I muttered under my breath "yup, good daddy - momma's the bad guy" (yes, I was acting immature *sigh*). My oldest daughter (5yo) looks up at me and smiled "Noooooo. Momma - you're just kidding!" Her look was so sweet, a little laugh on her face, just unable to fathom that I would be a bad guy. And it hit me.

What I think of myself, the comments I make under my breath, my attitude about myself - it *does* affect my children. It affects my wonderful dh. It affects me. I know, I know, we all learned about this stuff in jr. high health class - self-esteem and all that - but her little face is what drove it home for me.

God loves me. Seriously, He loves me. The God of the universe, the Creator of...um...everything! - He cares about me, loves me, sees me through the saving blood of His Son Jesus. No, I can't do it all - and if, somehow, I *was* able to "do it all", would I really feel the need for God, for a Savior?? Would I cry out to God as I do DAILY!!

So there ya go - whew....life has been rough. But God is stretching me, helping me grow, learn, mature (hopefully) - closer to the image God sees in me, more like Jesus, less like the world.

So I'm hoping to get back to blogging regularly - as in the following:

Momma's Mondays
Tasty Tuesdays
Working Wednesdays
Thinkin' Thursdays
QuiverFull Fridays

I liked that format, it was easier to blog regularly with a known goal for each day. I enjoy blogging, but I really have been down on myself lately. Praise the Lord for a wonderful dh who honestly cares about me - and that I've *somehow* been keeping up with reading the Bible daily (even if it's not all that much per day). Just being His Word has helped. That and a lot of crying to my dh (sorry honey!).

So any other down-in-the-dumps Momma's out there???!!? No, we can't do it all - we just can't. And that's alright. God knew that long before us and He's there, waiting for us to remember Him, to remember how much He loves us. PRAISE THE LORD!!!

5 comments:

mama said...

Glad you're feeling better! I think a lot of this unrealistic expectation comes from ASSUMING thatothers can do it all and do it all well!!!! Anyhow I have bad days too and find stuff in myself to work on daily!!
I must have asked you before and you must have missed it so hwere goes one last time before I give up:) Would you like to read my blog(private for safety. I share a lot of pics)If yes then email me at feletenyul@yahoo.ca and then I can send you the invitation from blogger!

*MichiganMomma* said...

Hey girl, I just tried to shoot you off an email and it came back to me undeliverable. Hmmmm....let me know what you think??

Lori

Cassandra said...

Am there right now, actually. If you have noticed, my blogging has been, well, almost non-existant lately, and it's just because I am a bit overwhelmed right now. Seems like I can't keep my house clean, the laundry caught up, and My kindergartner's school takes at least three hours out of my already packed day. I have a headache for the last 3 days, and I am exhausted. Sigh. It will get better, it will get better....
~Cassandra

mama said...

oops I missplelled it!!It's feketenyul@yahoo.ca

Tess said...

You really are too hard on yourself. It upsets me to think that you are down on yourself so much. You are indeed in a very demanding period of your life (little ones and all) and you need to not worry so much about what your house looks like and give yourself a break for some down time of your own, like when my darling gkids are napping. Go out by yourself once in awhile, get coffee, take a book or THE GOOD BOOK and relax over it a bit. Daddy can watch the babies long enough for this once a week or so.
You are a fantasctic mother, but you don't seem to realize it. I DO!!!
Don't expect so darn much of yourself, after all you are only one person with a finite amount of hours of energy for each day.
I love you and think you are still my beautiful little girl, just in a grown-up body.
See you soon!
Kiss the gkids and Deano,
Mom