Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Messy Thinking

I've been thinking a lot lately....I haven't really been keeping busy, so my mind has extra time to contemplate. What I keep going over and over again is: ME. I know, I know, as a good Christian, I am supposed to sacrifice myself, my time, etc. But I can see my family, home, marriage, even ME suffering due to this lack of ME.

No, I don't believe I have to run out and have ALONE time every day, having massages and sipping lattes with my girlfriends (although that doesn't sound *bad*) - I'm just saying, keep my identity. Doing things I like to do. Maintaining ME. Yes, my family, my children are this wonderful part of me, but there is *more* than babies and dishes and laundry (again, not that I dislike those things, I don't - I *LOVE* them).

I told my dh awhile back that I needed to figure this whole thing out, and soon, or he was going to forget that I was one heck of a sexy woman! Yes, I said it partly in jest, but part of it is true too. He married me before the babies, the house, the homeschooling, etc.etc.etc.... It was ME ~ and I don't want to give her up.

There's a balance that I'm searching for. Being a good wife, mother, Christian woman - giving of myself each and every day, living for others and being a blessing. Yet also filling myself up with Christ, exercising the talents the Lord has given me, reading and exercising the mind He gave me. I love to crochet, yet I keep pushing it back - who has time for that with 4, soon to be 5, small children? Well, I do! Or I will.

Sooooo.....here I am, thinking about all this stuff, wondering where the balance is. I doubt I'm the only Momma searching for that balance. So I'm going to give it a go. I'm going to remember who *I* am, what *I* enjoy, and try to fit it in amongst the diapers, meals, laundry, dishes, schooling.....and sometimes, yes sometimes, it's going to come BEFORE dusting, before all the clutter is picked up, before everyone has perfect hair and clipped nails. I can't be the perfect wife & momma, but I'm going to be ME in all this!

Then...after all this messy thinking, I run across a friend's blog: Bethgem. She has this list, these 12 Rules to Live By. I really like it! If I can start the list from a Christian perspective, knowing my relationship with the Lord, reading my Bible and striving to know Him better each day is FIRST - then I can look at this list and see the wisdom in it. I truly believe the Lord desires JOY for our lives, not drudergy. This list seems like a good place to start.

12 Rules to Live By
- Robert Louis Stevenson

Make up your mind to be happy. Learn to find pleasure in simple things.

Make the best of circumstances. No one has everything and everyone has something of sorrow.

Don’t take yourself too seriously.

Don’t let criticism worry you. You can’t please everybody.

Don’t let your neighbors set your standards; be yourself.

Do things you enjoy doing but stay out of debt.

Don’t borrow trouble. Imaginary things are harder to bear than actual ones.

Since hate poisons the soul, do not cherish enmities and grudges. Avoid people who make you unhappy.

Have many interests. If you can’t travel, read about places.

Don’t hold post-mortems or spend time brooding over sorrows and mistakes.

Do what you can for those less fortunate than yourself.

Keep busy at something. A very busy person never has time to be unhappy.

What do you think about this? About the 12 Rules, about my situation, about my ramblings. Are you searching for the balance, have you found a good balance, or do you think I'm a selfish woman? I'm willing to listen, honest. If you've been here, are here or are afraid of ending up here - let's talk~


Shannon L. Fowler said...

aaaw! ((HUGS)) I'm feeling a little un-balanced myself these days & I don't have small children at home anymore! Mine are grown, 1 married with 2 babies & 1 still at home, but he's 24 & does his own laundry & stuff. :) I was just saying on a yahoo group & on my blog a week & 1/2 ago that I am struggling to find a balance with all I do lately. So you are not alone!!

God Bless,
Shannon in NC

Anonymous said...

Bless you Lori!

My oldest is 21, my youngest soon-to-be 13, She's my only child at home. I still have not found balance! I'm an all or nothing kind of gal. I have never really found that happy medium. But let me tell you this. Kiddos grow up. Maybe that's where the balance we all search for comes in. Maybe we are not supposed to balance our day, or our week. Maybe we are supposed to balance our LIVES. Years of child rearing, then years of enjoying the grandkids and learning new craft skills, reading in solitude, that kind of stuff. I wish I knew. If you figure it out first, send some my way!
Blessings to you,
Mary in TN

Anneatheart said...

I am always searching for balance. I too always fall to the side, things like grooming my own nails, special attention to my hair/face etc. I haven't read a good book in a few months, which is what I always loved to do. But I am making a quilt and learning new skills, and since I am making it for my daughter it gives me extra incentive to make time for it. Maybe do something you love and make yourself do it by making it for someone else- put a time limit on it :) Oh I guess you didn't want the stress of being under pressure..oops can't help there,lol.

Anneatheart said...

Something I was wondering, do you not ever get morning sickness? You seem to be doing pretty good for early pregnancy. That's what I dread most- that and the birth part :)

I have actually been considering a 4th baby. Our girls were born in December, January and March, so I would like to aim for one born in the fall or late spring...I'm not sure if this house could hold 4 children though...

*MichiganMomma* said...

ugh...morning sickenss. I've never really had it bad, just nauseousness. This pregnancy was the worst nauseousness, but still I only actually "threw up" one time, the rest was just feeling "icky".

I am also dealing with a yeast issue this pregnancy - actually, it started while nursing Elijah. I basically had 9 straight months of candida issues. Talk about painful! And itchy!!

I get my vitamins from Beeyoutiful.com and they have a yeast assasin (which you can't take during pregnancy, of course) - but they also have an Acidophilus Blast and an Enzyme Digestive, which both aid in yeast-blasting! I'm gonna try 'em and then study up on what else I can do to naturally help myself.

As to the creative-outlet for others, I do have plans for a small quilt for this baby (I've never tried quilting before), plus I'm gonna try my hand at more crocheting this year too. We'll see...