Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Quiverful: Are we all alike?

I have been checking out some of the google or other searches that lead strangers to my blog. By far, the number one search is for the term "quiverful". That really surprises me!

I can think of *many* other blogs that I would consider more "officially" QF than we are. First of all, we have c-sections. No homebirths, no natural births, etc. Second of all, we fully admit that if our OB tells us we have reached a point where it would be very dangerous to get pregnant again, we would seek out other options. We're not exactly sure what that means, as I would *never* take hormonal birth control (not with my family history of breast cancer, not that ANYONE should take hormonal birth control willy-nilly....scary stuff, imho), but we would not put me or the baby at great risk to maintain that "pure" qf-philosophy.

Thirdly, my dh is a Children's/Family Pastor. Many quiverful families home church or attend a family integrated church. We're talking NO segregated activities. I fully support all of these differences between us and the "normal" qf family - that's just not how our family has worked out, not our circumstances.

PLUS, when I talk with completely strangers, not from our church - most have never even *heard* of the term "quiverful". Yet here I have many, MANY people visiting my blog searching out "quiverful" for whatever reason. Strange.


So if you are here searching around for information on being Quiverful, please understand that not all qf families look alike. Especially not us. We love the Lord, and we want to hand over ALL aspects of our lives to Him. That doesn't mean the same thing to everyone though, so try not to make broad assumptions just by reading here or any other blog for that matter. We are all human, we all sin - yet most of us really love the Lord and are striving to live for HIM, allowing HIS light to shine through us, muddled as it may appear through our human lives.

If you want to know what quiverful means to OUR family, by all means, check out this blog. We honestly believe the main aspect of the quiverful livestyle is how we view life, babies, children, family. Children are a blessing - I know EVERYONE is going to say this, but not everyone really lives this. I can't *tell* you how many Christians, loving Christians, simply miss the boat on this one. I have been told NUMEROUS times how they could NEVER have 5 babies! How they simply can't "deal" with the 1 or 2 kids that already have. How much babies "cost them" and "how in the world can we afford all these kids?".

And it's *certainly* not about "have as many babies as you can possible pop out". No way! It's about realizing and accepting that children are INDEED a blessing and that the Lord is in control of our lives. Not all quiverful familes have 12 kids - I doubt we will. Yet we really do view children as an amazing blessing, and not just the one or two WE decide to have, but ALL the children the Lord wants to bless us with. How can I look at ANY of my beautiful babies and think of one of them NOT being here, simply because I wanted things to be a little easier, because I wanted some "time off" from diapers for awhile, or because money was a bit (or very) tight?? Yet I know MANY parents who look back and think of those babies they denied from God with great sadness and regret.

And no, it's not a salvation issue. It's not about legalism, not about "good" Christians vs. "bad" Christians. Nope. I honestly believe our society has influenced even the church into viewing children as a burden. I think it's all tied into birth control, feminism, decline of godly morals in society, etc. That's not all of it, that's not a pat, simple answer - but I do believe it's part of it. Birth control may be helpful in some situations. Birth control may be helpful for non-believers who have no other reason to remain abstinent. Yet for believers, it is a slippery slope. Useful and benefitial to some - sure. Are their extreme situations? You bet! But the slippery slope is definitely there.


Ok, enough. I just found the whole idea of people coming HERE for info on being QF quite interesting. And I bet I'm a bit emotional due to being 23 weeks preggo - so go easy on me if you feel I was attacking you. I don't mean to, not at all. And by all means, let me know how you feel, what you believe, how you got here and what you may be looking for. We may not agree, but that's okay, we don't have to.

God bless you, my friends ~ enjoy this cold, beautiful day!!

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Okay, Lori, not sure if I'm happy with this blog. I know you wrote that you were not attacking anyone, and I know you weren't thinking of specific people, but a lot of that applies to me and I take a bit offense to what you said.

Joann.

*Michigan Momma* said...

J~ Just so you know, I don't think "a lot" of what I wrote applies to you. The whole point was that each and every quiverful family has different views and beliefs, even regarding this particular topic.

No, you're not quiverful, but some people wouldn't consider us QF either - everyone has different views on what that means.

I really think the QF movement is challenging to society in general. A society that tells people that children are a burden, they cost too much, they take up too much time, they're too loud, etc. I think the church has bought this lie as well. We just view children differently than what God intended. I do that too sometimes. TRUST ME! I just wish I didn't, and I wish society didn't.

Yet I'm not about to make sweeping judgements on you or anyone other momma. Only you, your dh and God know what's going on in your life, in your heart, in your marriage, etc. Like I said, it's not a LAW, we're not to be all legalistic about this kind of stuff and draw lines between friends and church family. This is simply what we believe. And yes, some of it is what we hope to share with other families, just like we are happy someone shared it with us once.

That doesn't mean I think everyone will run out and have 12 kids. Yet if the church can start to change the way it views babies & children, that can only be a good thing for families and children!!

So, sorry to anyone who thinks I was attacking or judgemental or harsh - again, not my intention. My dh and I did not believe these things when we got married. I'm not sure what we exactly believed, as I don't think we discussed it enough. We were just going to do "the norm" - you know, maybe a few kids, two jobs, etc. We just didn't give it much thought.

If nothing else, I pray that more Christians start to give this matter A LOT more thought. Don't just look at what is "normal" and what society views as right & good. OFTEN, society and God do *not* line up, so we need to be aware, PRAY and not make these decisions lightly. That's really all I hope people do~

(well, in all honesty, I wish there were tons more larger families. I wish more couples were allowing God to plan their family size. I wish I had more friends to discuss this with, to talk about how happy we are when we get preggo - even if it *is* baby #5! Usually, if I discuss this with friends, it could lead to someone being offended, so I try to steer clear of this topic....sad, really....but that's just what I "wish".)

I love you, Joanne - you don't have to agree with me on this for us to be friends~ If we agreed on everything, I doubt we would have near as much fun as we do!!
~Lori

jesnicole said...

I AGREE WITH SO MUCH OF WHAT YOU SAID. I HAVE GROWN SO TIRED OF SO MANY FAMILIES THINKING THAT THE MORE CHILDREN THEY HAVE, THE MORE "BLESSED" THEY ARE. AND THAT IF YOU DON'T HAVE A LOT OF CHILDREN, GOD MUST NOT BE "BLESSING" YOU. MEANWHILE, THERE ARE MANY GOD-SERVING PEOPLE WHO ARE UNABLE TO CONCEIVE EVER. DOES THAT MAKE THEM CURSED INSTEAD OF BLESSED? NO, THAT'S JUST THE WAY LIFE IS. SOME PEOPLE WILL NEVER HAVE ANY CHILDREN. SOME WILL NEVER EVEN BE MARRIED. SOME WILL HAVE MANY AND LOSE THEM ALL BECAUSE THEY'RE ON DRUGS OR JUST DON'T CARE ABOUT THEIR CHILDREN. SOME CONTINUE TO HAVE MANY CHILDREN, SAYING THEY WANT AS MANY AS GOD WILL GIVE THEM, YET THEY TAKE FOR GRANTED THE VERY ONES THEY HAVE. SOME LIVE EXTREMELY DYSFUNCTIONAL LIVES ALL IN SEARCH OF HAVING MORE CHILDREN. THANK YOU FOR THIS POST. I THINK MANY WOMEN TODAY CAN MAKE BECOMING PREGNANT AND BEING "QUIVERFUL" (IN THE MISUNDERSTOOD WAY THEY SEE THIS WORD) AN IDOL IN THEIR LIVES. GOD KNOWS OUR HEARTS, AND THAT'S WHAT MATTERS.

Dean B. said...

There is a family at our church who has 3 kids currently, but there were 2 more that she had mis-carriages. We were talking last night about how her quiver actually has 5 in it, but 2 of them she cannot see right now - but one day will.

We should always strive to bring God into the discussion as most of the time we just "decide" what we think is best.

Food for thought!

Big Momma said...

Amen sister! I used to read so many blogs that would have me to think that the more kids you have the more holy you are or the closer to God you are. I knew my quiver was full when there was no more room in the mini van. I have 4 kids. If God decides to give us more-hallelujah. If we just have 4 hallelujah. And it is true that if more couples saw children as a blessing and not a burden, we would see larger families or more children being adopted.

Missey said...

I really liked this blog as we are just thinking about leaving our family size to God. We have five beautiful, healthy children but if He would like to bless us with more we would happily accept them. This is a new journey for us and one that is taking a lot of prayer and trust. I feel this is a big step in turning our lives truly over to the Lord. I am 39 and dh is 42 so we're not sure we will be blessed with additional children. But the journey of making this decision has brought my husband and I closer. And it has opened my heart and his to listening to what the Lord has planned for our lives. I liked your perspective and your thought process. Thank you for sharing!