I just typed up this big ol' blog about livin' life in a fish bowl. You know, a pastor's family - it seems people feel they have *the right* to stick their noses right up against the glass of our life, our decisions, our choices and cast their judgement.
Anyways, I typed up this whole blog, then realised I can't even publish it! What if someone didn't agree? What if someone felt offended? What if I made someone as mad as I feel right now??
Yes, I'm upset. I don't understand this invasion of privacy. I've been told by other, older, more experienced PW's that this is just the reality of the ministry. Ugh. I don't think I *really* understood that until now. It sucks. (I'm probably not allowed to say that, ugh..)
My mom told me most of the PWs she has known have always been quite closed-mouthed, not really sharing ANYTHING. That just *so* isn't me. Is it supposed to be me? Am I supposed to change myself because of this? In order to keep our lives from becoming gossip, do I simply have to stop talking about our day to day living - the good and the bad? Am I allowed to have friends?
I feel like stomping my foot and yelling "THIS ISN'T FAIR!!" ....... as if *that* would do any good.
So, if you are a pastor's wife, what do you do? Do you have friends? Do they attend your church? Are your friends all other PWs? How do you handle it when church members feel it is their right to inspect your life, for their approval?
And if you are a church member, what part of your pastor's life is up for discussion? All of it? Do you feel it is your right, even your *obligation*, to make sure they are making 'good' and 'right' decisions?? Have you ever really thought about how this would make them feel? Or do you simply feel that 'goes with the territory' of being a pastor's family? I'm honestly curious.
(Ok, curious and ticked. Hey, I'm human.)
For now, I just need to keep my mouth closed. I need to be less open. I need to learn whether or not I can honestly have "friends" at church - I know that sounds so harsh, but I'm at a loss here, I'm not sure *what* to do???
Give me your opinion, at least then I'll get an idea of where some people stand on this matter. Thanks y'all~
p.s. I'm sure I'll feel better about this whole matter soon ~ I just feel like I'm floundering around here, not really knowing what's "allowed" as a PW. I just *knew* I wasn't going to be very good at this role....ugh.
p.p.s. and OBVIOUSLY, I can't share exactly what this is about, but it's not all that SPECIFIC of a topic. Every PW I've met has dealt with this issue, to some extent.
p.p.p.s. at the very least, this is teaching me to be less judgemental. You NEVER know all the facts, all the history behind a decision in SOMEONE ELSE'S life. Therefore, I need to stop drawing my own conclusions and judging others. 'Cause honestly, it sucks. (ooh man, I need to stop doing that! ;) ~L.