Well, I'm not sure.
6 or 7 years ago, it meant my mother was going to die. Now, not necessarily.
My mother's cancer is back. We don't know all the details. I just know I feel at a loss. At a loss for what to say. At a loss for how to behave. At a loss for how to react. Dean has told me to lean on God, remeber that HE IS GOOD. I know that to be true.
I also know that my mother is 52. That is young. At 52, there is a real possibility that I could have a 12 year old child (assuming I am still having children in 8 years). I don't want to leave young children. The reason I bring that up is something I heard on the radio today. Basically, there are things I can do to lower my risk. Being healthy in my diet is a major one - plus exercise. I can't exactly keep putting these things off. I don't want to have the *if only's* hanging there later on.
So it may seem incredibly selfish, but in the midst of all this, I want to do what I can to make sure this doesn't happen to me in 20 years. I want to improve my diet, make exercise a habit. I already nurse my babies, I don't take the pill (or other chemical birth control).
I also have these things going through my head - what can I do NOW with my mother? What is most important? It's not that I'm giving up, that I'm thinking she's GOING to die - but obviously she will eventually. How can I be deliberate in our relationship, in the kid's relationship with her? What is it that *really* matters here??
(my folks with their amazing legacy ~ 6 of 'em, actually)
Love you mom~
Sorry if I'm rambling.....I'm not sure what I'm thinking about right now. Mom's surgery (double mastectomy, removing lymphnodes, etc.) is tomorrow, so I'm asking for prayer. Prayer for my mom, the doctors, my dad, my sister, me, the grandkids. I'll be leaving the day after Christmas to go help her with recovery. I wish it was tomorrow......