In talking with some friends & family lately, I have been discussing this "season" of life I am in. Small children, strollers, carseats, breastfeeding, baths, diapers, don't-you-dare-put-that-in-your-mouth type of season. I love it (ok, almost all of it)~
Yet, in thinking about my body, my 5 c-sections, I can see that this season does, in fact, have a light at the end of the tunnel. You'd think I'd be *happy* about that - but I'm sure yet....
Not have a baby in the house to cuddle and snuggle and nurse and inhale? Not feel that lil' life inside of my body when it first begins to move around? Not being able to watch that newborn's eyes roll back in his head as he nurses, completely content? *sigh*
On the other hand, there are things my dh & I have been putting off, knowing we can't possibly accomplish them in this season of our lives. My clarinet....oh, my clarinet. Did you know I played? Did you know my degree is in music performance? Oh, I'm not as talented as my friend Brooke, but I was good. WAS good. I haven't played in SOOOO long.
My dh would like to study up on photography. He simply doesn't have the time right now. I would like to sew more, put more into the decorating of my home, learn domestic skills along with my children, have the ability to not fall asleep whenever I want to crochet......yet right now, it's all about keeping my head above water. Right now....
Yet it won't always be so. Sure, I'll have other *issues*, other distractions, but they will differ from THIS season. And since this is all I've know for the past 8 years, it's hard to look beyond. You mean, there may *actually* be a time when I won't change diapers?? Seriously?!
In all seriousness, I *love* my babies. I *love* this season. Yes, it can be overwhelming and emotional and hormonal and...whatever....yet, I'm not sure I'm ready for it to be over. The thought of not having another baby is sad to me - yet I know that day *will* come. Sooner rather than later.
So Lord, help me to lay this all down at your feet (to quote a good friend of mine) -and keep giving it back to you as I continue to struggle. It's okay to have these feelings, all jumbled up and confused. It's okay to be sad, yet excited, yet nervous all at the same time. Please help me to seek out YOUR will and then ACCEPT it as good & perfect for my life. Help me to remember You know best.
Then I can relax, enjoy where I am *today* and not be scared of what's to come. Thank you Lord, for this life, my husband & my babies! Thank you for THIS season and those to come~