The whole day long!

What a fun day! Just when you think...well.....just when you are really getting down on yourself, when you're wondering "what's wrong with me?".....God decides to give you that extra blessing, just to remind you how much He loves you!!

I've been feeling pretty lousy as of late. Down on myself. Time spent wondering why I'm not a better wife, better mother, better Christian, better church member, better friend, you name it. I kept wondering why I just seem completely incapable of "doing it all". Yes, yes, I know - I *can't* do it all - duh!!

Then I had a rough morning, cried a lot to my loving dh - then went home - still feeling pretty rotten. I decided to let the kiddos play outside and I could clean out the van (oh. my. goodness. did it ever need cleaned out). I kept thinking "well, I'll get this van done, the kids will play outside, but I won't be able to clean the house, keep up with the laundry, do enough home school, etc.etc.etc.etc...." It seems I have a hard time turning off my inner voice telling me what I'm NOT getting done.

Yet it felt good. I tried to really clean up that van. The kiddos had a good time playing. When I finished, the kiddos took a quiet time which gave me just enough time to get the house a bit picked up before my dh came home. That evening we grilled out and ate our food outside, we played some more at the park, we raked up a whole lotta leaves, we even picked up a gagillion sticks and had an impromptu mini-bon fire. It really was a great afternoon & evening. Just what I needed!!


Then tonight, when my dh went in to tuck in the girls (after I had numerous problems getting them to settle down - but I digress...) I muttered under my breath "yup, good daddy - momma's the bad guy" (yes, I was acting immature *sigh*). My oldest daughter (5yo) looks up at me and smiled "Noooooo. Momma - you're just kidding!" Her look was so sweet, a little laugh on her face, just unable to fathom that I would be a bad guy. And it hit me.

What I think of myself, the comments I make under my breath, my attitude about myself - it *does* affect my children. It affects my wonderful dh. It affects me. I know, I know, we all learned about this stuff in jr. high health class - self-esteem and all that - but her little face is what drove it home for me.

God loves me. Seriously, He loves me. The God of the universe, the Creator of...um...everything! - He cares about me, loves me, sees me through the saving blood of His Son Jesus. No, I can't do it all - and if, somehow, I *was* able to "do it all", would I really feel the need for God, for a Savior?? Would I cry out to God as I do DAILY!!

So there ya go - whew....life has been rough. But God is stretching me, helping me grow, learn, mature (hopefully) - closer to the image God sees in me, more like Jesus, less like the world.

So I'm hoping to get back to blogging regularly - as in the following:

Momma's Mondays
Tasty Tuesdays
Working Wednesdays
Thinkin' Thursdays
QuiverFull Fridays

I liked that format, it was easier to blog regularly with a known goal for each day. I enjoy blogging, but I really have been down on myself lately. Praise the Lord for a wonderful dh who honestly cares about me - and that I've *somehow* been keeping up with reading the Bible daily (even if it's not all that much per day). Just being His Word has helped. That and a lot of crying to my dh (sorry honey!).

So any other down-in-the-dumps Momma's out there???!!? No, we can't do it all - we just can't. And that's alright. God knew that long before us and He's there, waiting for us to remember Him, to remember how much He loves us. PRAISE THE LORD!!!

just to remember

The way Selah *has* to bounce around when she gets excited. She simply *has* to. Bouncing around when she is excited, happy, waiting for something, even just watching her little brother learn new things. The joy in her just has to come out - so she bounces! I love it!

The way Elijah kisses me - over and over and over. He just leans into my body, with his mouth wide open, making kissing noises. The way Elijah laughs and laughs and laughs when I tickle his belly under his shirt. His mouth wide open, tongue peeking out, laughing and trusting and loving his momma.

The way Talitha desires to be a big-girl, yet still wants her momma to carry her. The way Talitha wants to eat her veggies - ok, wants to eat anything. The way she asks me to braid her hair every night (just like her big sissy) even though her hair is really only long enough for the smallest of braids yet. The way Talitha gets so excited over a "new" dress, even when she knows it's a hand-me-down dress that her sister used to wear. That makes it even better - to be able to wear a dress her sissy once wore. Amazing.

The way Isaac is so private now. How he wants me to close my eyes when he gets dressed. The way Isaac tells me how happy he is that I finally had a baby come out of my tummy that is his BEST friend (finally, a brother!). The way Isaac explains to me what his Papa Albert is saying to Jesus in heaven - and how they both are watching Isaac and loving him! The way Isaac is still not embarrased to blow me kisses at church - not yet anyway - and I'm holding onto it as long as I can.

And the way my husband loves me - even when I can't seem to get my act together in the morning hours. The way he loves me - even when I try to make it all about me, instead of putting him first. The way he loves me - with flowers, with understanding, with his time and with his best. What a wonderful gift from a God who wants the best for me! Thank you, Lord. Thank you~

alone...*smile*

At the end of May, my dh and I are going on a trip. He will be graduating from seminary with a Master's in Family & Children's Ministry. We will be gone, alone, for five days (or is it six?). Alone. The grandparents are stepping up and lovin' on the grandbabies while we are gone.

Alone.

I'm so excited. Don't get me wrong....I love my children. Love them. But a chance to be with my wonderful husband, alone, for five whole days?!?! A chance to keep the fires going, to remember why we go through stress and sacrifice in the small ways that we do, a chance to really focus on each other, as a couple - all to be stronger together, better parents, choosing to love each other more each day. Yup, I can't wait.

And who knows....it seems each time Dean and I have a chance to be alone overnight....we seem to welcome a new little one about nine months later. I would never presume to expect God to keep blessing us in the same way, in the same pattern and time.....but I can hope! Children really are an amazing blessing.

As is marriage! I can't wait, baby~

Am I a SuperMom??

Umm...no. But I'm taking the vitamins anyway!

I'm only on day #2. No huge difference yet, although I *may* be experiencing some de-tox stuff. Minor aches and pains, a bit of a headache. One that's weird is my eyes are really dry and itchy. I think it's a lack of water. I am *so* not a water drinker. I believe my body is desperately trying to de-tox and in order to do so is drawing fluid from every possible source - including my own cells. I made an attempt to drink more water today - and I did - but in the afternoon/evening I just gave up and drank pop (I know, I know).

And everything I read said the SuperMom vitamins were these HUGE horse pills that no one could swallow. I was starting to get a bit concerned. I opened up the bottle......come on ladies, they're nothin'. No biggie. There are green and kinda gross looking - so I swallow them quicky, hoping not to actually taste anything. But heck, I swallow them with the extra Spirulina tablets I'm taking no problem. So don't let the size of the pills scare you off - it's no biggie!

I'll let you know how things progress. I'm also trying to eat better, drink more water (*sigh*), get outside more, take more walks, etc. I think this will be a repeating theme in my life - a constant battle against my flesh which just wants to be gluttonous and lazy - instead of healthy and responsible for what God has blessed me with. I'll never be one of those naturally trim ladies who has to be reminded to eat and enjoys regular exercise. Nope. Not unless God wants to perform a major miracle. Major.

I quit

Those are the words I told my dh the other day. He came home, I was sitting in a camp chair on our new patio (new to us, a part of our new home, that we can use now that winter has finally left us). It had been one HECK of a day. He asked how I was (I think he may have been slightly frightened of my answer). Yet I was calm, I told him I was fine, everything was fine - I quit.

I quit.

He asked what I quit - I said it didn't matter. Either I quit cleaning the house, or doing yardwork, or mothering four small children, or being a pastor's wife, or the director of the children's choir. Yes, of course it was frustration talking. I was overwhelmed.

Yet my husband, what a wonderful man - he knows exactly how to "deal" with me. He calmly reminded me how we *knew* these two weeks were going to be extra hard. How we *knew* we were both overloaded and bound to get overwhelmed. He is right - we had talked about that.

Yet it still crept up on me. Before you knew it, I was overwhelmed. Before you knew it, everywhere I looked, something needed my attention. I was stressed and wasn't quite sure where to turn next.

I remember reading about how a mother would pray to ask God what to do next. That helps - it really does! At the very least, it gets me looking to God for answers. My husband also says to simply do the next thing. Whatever that may be. I'm one of those gals that could just spin my wheels in a cirlce, trying to figure out what to do next, plan how I am going to get it all done, etc. Yet if I just try to do the next thing, before you know it, I actually *have* accomplished something.

Ok, so no, this post holds no magic answers to being overwhelmed. I think I'm terrible at stress management - yet my dh says otherwise (love is blind, eh?). Yet I do believe I'm getting better at it. I do believe I turn to God more often, as well as sooner, than I used to. I also can see my children picking up stress-management (or lack thereof) from me. I can see my daughter Selah (5) getting easily stressed and lashing out. I can see my son Isaac over-reacting to situations - situations that I too might over-react to. *sigh* My wonderful children are such clear mirrors into my life, my strengths as well as my weaknesses.

So since I simply can NOT do it all, I will have to follow my dh's advice and prioritize. Reading my Bible comes first - I've been doing better at this recently. I honestly read the Bible plenty throughout the day - whenever I have to pee. I'm not getting a lot of indepth Bible STUDY done, but I am in the Word, reading, asking God to speak to me through whatever I *do* manage to get through that day.

I need to focus on my husband (I need to do better at trying to lighten *his* load, rather than constantly waiting and expecting him to help lighten mine), and my children. No matter what, they need love, training, education, exercise, and a momma who isn't always ready to fall apart and snap at them. The house will have to be in a state of semi-cleanliness - some days it's great, others it's lacking, so be it. The yard - ugh - the yard will have to wait until my children are teenagers. ugh.

Lastly, I am reevaluating my calendar system. Currently, it is supposed to be a PDA. I think it's just a little too high-tech for me. I'm gonna look for a small-ish size day planner, one that I can have with me at all times. One that's a little more me - with a new purse to go with it.....I'm sure I have some fabric that will work.....a great pattern too.....and yes, I'm sure I'll have time for *that*.....

God bless you my friends ~ I pray your lives are a bit more under control. Please pray with me that even among the stress of everyday life, that I will be able to see the Lord, focus on what He would have me focus on, and love those around me intensely.

What do you think?

Anyone heard of these vitamins?

I have heard a bit here and there, mostly good, about the Supermom vitamins. I know I need something and these are a resonable price. The regular ol' generic pre-natals I buy at the store are about half the price maybe, but I don't think they are really doing ANYTHING for me at all - so what's the point? This has some great reviews, great ingredients and really, it's worth the price for me.

Ok, well, I guess my mind's pretty well made up - but I'm still open to hear your thoughts. Please let me know what you think - but I do plan on ordering these today. I'll check back later on....

Thanks folks~

almost there...

Hey y'all.... are you still here reading??

Amazing!!

It's just been too crazy. Kid-wise: two are regularly doing "school work" - one is potty-training (and it's actually going well, more on that later) - one is learning to walk. Adult-wise: one is getting ready to graduate from seminary, while the other is preparing for a Kid's Spring Musical she is running. It's a nut house.

So while I always have big goals to get on the computer and type up these thoughtful, touching, humorous posts, I'm usually happy to get a shower and have clean clothes.

The weather is also looking up ~ just wonderful to go outside without a bulky coat! I'm lovin' the sun (who me?). So that's more time spent outside letting the kids run off all that pent-up energy from the past winter. They deserve it - it was a LONG winter....

I'll be back - check back often! I've got pointers on potty-training, schooling with little ones, menus for the growing family, etc.etc.etc...... If I can ever get to putting my thoughts down on paper.

Luv to you all~

and one week later....

I just dropped my sis and her 2 kiddos off at the train station. I'm wiped. It was fun, I certainly enjoyed having my sis here, the extra set of hands was helpful during the day, the homeschooling was more organized with her sitting at the table with us, and well, I've had four children so let's admit it, I actually peed my pants a few times laughing hysterically with her. Seriously.

Most of the laughing was at our beautiful, wonderful, hilarious children (and their "art"). There were also some really touching moments (at least for me). Moments when I realized that we are now the "adults" and our children are forming memories that they will carry on into adulthood about their cousins, aunts & uncles, singing at the dinner table, and staying up WAY TOO LATE laughing in bed together.

Were there times when I wanted to lock everyone in their rooms and throw away the key? Of course. But more often I simply wanted to grab 'em and kiss 'em and tell them I loved 'em. And I did. Even the 9 yob who was mortified when I said "I remember the day you were born...." *sniff, sniff*

So now I need to go pick up the pieces of my home. Ok, not really. I just need to get caught up with the laundry, do a few extra house chores and try to get a bit more sleep. Did I mention it's 5:30am? The train left at 5:15am. I'm sorry, I don't *do* 5am.......I'll catch ya later......