Livin' in a Fish Bowl

I just typed up this big ol' blog about livin' life in a fish bowl.  You know, a pastor's family - it seems people feel they have *the right* to stick their noses right up against the glass of our life, our decisions, our choices and cast their judgement.

Anyways, I typed up this whole blog, then realised I can't even publish it!  What if someone didn't agree?  What if someone felt offended?  What if I made someone as mad as I feel right now??

Yes, I'm upset.  I don't understand this invasion of privacy.  I've been told by other, older, more experienced PW's that this is just the reality of the ministry.  Ugh.  I don't think I *really* understood that until now.  It sucks. (I'm probably not allowed to say that, ugh..)

My mom told me most of the PWs she has known have always been quite closed-mouthed, not really sharing ANYTHING.  That just *so* isn't me.  Is it supposed to be me?  Am I supposed to change myself because of this?  In order to keep our lives from becoming gossip, do I simply have to stop talking about our day to day living - the good and the bad?  Am I allowed to have friends?  

I feel like stomping my foot and yelling "THIS ISN'T FAIR!!" ....... as if *that* would do any good.

So, if you are a pastor's wife, what do you do?  Do you have friends?  Do they attend your church?  Are your friends all other PWs?  How do you handle it when church members feel it is their right to inspect your life, for their approval?

And if you are a church member, what part of your pastor's life is up for discussion?  All of it?  Do you feel it is your right, even your *obligation*, to make sure they are making 'good' and 'right' decisions??  Have you ever really thought about how this would make them feel?  Or do you simply feel that 'goes with the territory' of being a pastor's family?  I'm honestly curious.

(Ok, curious and ticked.  Hey, I'm human.)

For now, I just need to keep my mouth closed.  I need to be less open.  I need to learn whether or not I can honestly have "friends" at church - I know that sounds so harsh, but I'm at a loss here, I'm not sure *what* to do???

Give me your opinion, at least then I'll get an idea of where some people stand on this matter.  Thanks y'all~

p.s.  I'm sure I'll feel better about this whole matter soon ~ I just feel like I'm floundering around here, not really knowing what's "allowed" as a PW.  I just *knew* I wasn't going to be very good at this role....ugh.

p.p.s.  and OBVIOUSLY, I can't share exactly what this is about, but it's not all that SPECIFIC of a topic.  Every PW I've met has dealt with this issue, to some extent.  

p.p.p.s.  at the very least, this is teaching me to be less judgemental.  You NEVER know all the facts, all the history behind a decision in SOMEONE ELSE'S life.  Therefore, I need to stop drawing my own conclusions and judging others.  'Cause honestly, it sucks.  (ooh man, I need to stop doing that!  ;)  ~L.

It's a GO!

The inspection was today and it went fabulously!

At first, we thought it was starting off on a bad note.  The inspector called us and told us he had been sick all night and was running late.  We had a tight schedule, with Dean having to be back at the church for a meeting, plus my mom was with us - we didn't want to have to reschedule!

Luckily, he was still up to doing the inspection....he was just late.  So we got out to the house, it was a beautiful drive, nice weather and just an overall good feeling.

We showed my mom all around the house and the yard, while the inspector finished up his work.  We took more accurate measurements in the basement ~ I have been trying to come up with a floorplan for the basement, as it will be finished right away as an apartment for them once my father retires.  It will have it's own entrance, it's own EVERYTHING ~ it's about 1400 sq. ft., so we're not talking just some small, dark basement.  It's actually a walk-out basement, so it's nice and bright!

I found this great floorplan website - free - that I have been playing with for the last few days.

www.floorplanner.com

Anyways, the inspector got finished, went over a few minor things with us, then proceeded to knock $50 off the price of the inspection (whoo-hoo!), I'm guessing for being late - I'm not sure why else he would do that?!  Such a blessing~

Things went great!  I even saw that the owners had begun packing up some boxes here and there (I haven't even started doing that yet) - for some reason, that made it very real to me.  Yippee!  Plus, my mom really liked the house, the yard, and especially the space that will eventually become her home - that made me *very* happy!!

So now, my mom is hanging out with us for a few more days - I'm going to try to use some of that time to organize for my upcoming MOVING SALE!  Whatever I don't *love* (or absolutely HAVE to use until I can get something I do love), I'm getting rid of before we move!  It'll be quite the project, but just the kind of project I can really throw myself into and enjoy!

Lastly, as we were strolling around the yard, talking about what we would *like* to do here, what we wanted to change there - oh, and wouldn't it be nice to do *that* right here, etc....I realized that there was NO WAY we would be able to do much of anything right away, and when we *could* do stuff, it would have to happen S L O W L Y, over time.  I'm not so good at that waiting-thing.....uh-oh....

The longest we have lived in ONE house, since we have been married, is, what?  2 years?!  Maybe.  I pray we stay in this house a LONG time - therefore, I don't have to rush to get things done.  I can (try) to relax and do things as money allows - without putting ourselves into debt (which obviously, we really don't want to do - we will NOT do that!!).

So I asked my dh to please remind me (gently) when I am rushing to get things done - that I have TIME.  Make things nice, yes - but I don't have to have *everything* perfect in the first 3 months.  When people come over, I don't HAVE to have everything *perfect*.  Instead, I would just like to enjoy my home, making it really OURS, over time.  *big ol' happy sigh*

Here's a few more pics~

Two of my men!! (in the master bath, sitting on the jetted tub)

a backyard view of the house, pond & "firepit"

My four older babies, at the top of the steps, on the "landing/sitting area"

Isaac & Selah heading to "the woods"

Off to do more laundry, then bed....'night~

Such a dork...

Every time I'm on the computer, right before I'm done and get up, I click on our Google Chrome bookmark bar.  I click on the button that has our new address on it.  Then the pic of our new house pops up.

Then I just sit there and *sigh*....loving my new house and just thinking about my family in that new house.

I really am a dork ~ and I'm okay with that!

p.s.  the back of the house...you can see the walk-out basement ~ and the weeds to the right are at the edge of the pond.

Women

I just got done watching "The Women" - a newer movie from my Netflix list.

There's quite a bit of "feminism" in the movie, yet not all in a bad way.  In fact, what I really took away from the movie has more to do with being the woman God made me to be, instead of the women I feel I SHOULD be.

God made us all unique.  Part of my uniqueness comes from being a woman.  This separates me from half of the people on this planet!  I love being a woman ~ I believe God has different purposes for women, than men, and I'm glad!

Then, beyond just being "a" woman, I am "this" woman.  I am me!  God created me ~ what an awesome thought!  He created me with certain looks, certain interests and ideas, characteristics and a unique personality.  And you know what?  I think I'm beginning to really like me, the me that God created.

And trust me, I'm not one of those low self-esteem gals by any means.  Yet sometimes I wonder how many women I know are actually comfortable being themselves?  How many of us respond naturally, not just how we think we are "supposed" to respond?!?  Behind our facade of calm, cool and with-it....how many of us would feel okay with letting the "real" you show??

Really, how much of our time is spent thinking about what other people *might* be thinking?  How often do you replay something in your head, wondering if people "took it the right way" or wondering if you might have offended someone??

I'm not saying, fly by the seat of your pants, never giving a second thought to anyone but yourself....no, not at all.  Yet I doubt God wants us women (or men, but I think women do this more) so concerned with what other people think about us.  Be kind, yes.  Be respectful and loving, yes.

Yet beyond that, if I am doing my best, following the Lord's leading in my life, I don't think I should constantly be worried about what other people think.  My goal in life is not to please everyone and have everyone think I'm doing a "good job" all the time.  My goal in life should be to love & obey God - then all the rest will fall into place, and I can stop worrying about what other people think.

So....anyway....

What I took away from the movie The Women was this:  I am a women, created by God, unique and special in all ways.  God loves me.  I need to get the focus off of ME, off of what OTHERS think about me - and get it back on God.  Then I can feel free to be the *real* me, the me that God created, enjoying who I am and what I am doing.  WOW!  What a concept!?!

p.s.  I'm not saying everyone who watches this particular movie will take these thoughts away from it.  Just a few lines here and there got me thinking.  Thinking about my own life, my personal experiences, my thoughts and actions.  So take it all with a grain of salt.....It's after 2am for goodness sake ~ I just need to go to bed!

What's coming up?

Tonight, my dh and I were talking (yes, we were actually sitting down and talking.......amazing!!), and I asked what was coming up in our lives.

Set up for Children's Spring Musical at church.

Friday night, Tech Rehearsal

Saturday, Dress Rehearsal

Saturday, tear it all down so they can have church Sunday morning

Saturday evening, run Elementary program for SVL service

Saturday night, pick up my mom from train station

Sunday morning, church (and last rehearsal)

Sunday morning, Ministry Fair

Sunday, after church, RE-setup musical set & props

Sunday afternoon, last minute set-up/make-up

Sunday 6pm:  PERFORMANCE!!

Monday, home inspection (pray desperately that all goes well during that time)

Monday-Wednesday: ransack home getting ready for our moving sale (my mom will be in town and able to help me during this process - yahoo!!)

MAY

have moving/garage sale

celebrate Tali's 4th b-day

pack, pack, pack

close on house

Family Worship Event!!

JUNE

take possession of home

start Summer Programming at church

get a few things done at new home

MOVE INTO NEW HOME!!

start working on finishing basement (yahoo!!)

There's always a million things on the horizon, right?!

So I can only take brief glances at the future ~ just kinda get a overall view of what's coming up ~ then deal with each day as it comes.  Yes, I have to get some bigger projects done - that's important.  Yet I also have diapers to change, baths to give, dishes & laundry never stop piling up, even books to read aloud to small children - and all of that is just as important.  If I start thinking of EVERYTHING that's coming up, I'll go *insane*~

Soooooo....

Yes, we've got lots coming up.  I've got tons to do.  But for now, I'm gonna go make up some bread pudding & vanilla sauce (for Dean & I), and a batch of cookies (for the kiddos - ok, and for Dean & I), nurse the baby and watch BOLT! with my babies.

Hey, that's important stuff right there~

just a peek ;)

For privacy sake (and cause we don't have the keys yet - ha!), I don't want to post a link to our home's real estate page.  But here's a pic of the front of our (well, almost our) new house:

I'm so excited.......5 acres!  

I'll share more after we close~

p.s.  my kid's choir production is this Sunday ~ that's why I've been so busy I can't even blog (*gasp* - shocking, I know!).  Next week my mom is coming up and we'll be busy getting stuff together for our upcoming "Moving" sale.   I'll be back then~

on our way...

...our offer was countered, we accepted their counter, next comes the inspection...

How exciting!!
We go back to see the house on Sunday ~ pics to come~

is the search over?

We *may* have found our home!

(and we don't even have the official paperwork from the bank yet about our loan - but this is below what we can afford - PTL!!!)

I'll share more later.....I'm very excited but trying to remain calm.  This is a huge ol' process (as I'm sure many of you know) and you just never know 'til the papers have been signed.

We are taking our contractor guy (a great friend from church) out to see the place Sunday after church.  I'll know more after this week and after that appointment on Sunday.

How exciting!!  Well, at least for me....... ;)

~HE IS RISEN~

~HE IS RISEN~

Blessed Resurrection Day to all,

I've lost my bubble...

...and it's not due to the baby...

Well, I guess it is - technically.  I don't mind the nursing, I enjoy it.  I love having my sweet boy in my arms, sleeping on my shoulder.  My problem is when my four OTHER children *attack* me in their attempt to kiss and love on lil' Micah.

Especially in the mornings.  I am NOT a morning person.  Yet the first thing I have to do upon waking is nurse the baby.  If the other children are awake and find out baby Micah is awake - WATCH OUT!  

Bye, bye bubble~

You know, that imaginary - yet oh-s0-important "bubble" of space surrounding your body that is just yours.  You are NOT supposed to invade other people's bubbles without permission. 

Kids just don't get that.

And I like my bubble.  I need my bubble.  My bubble is not shrinking...........it is GONE!

*big ol' sigh*

On the bright side, I'm so happy all my babies love each other so much.  

I really *try* to remember that as they jump all over me, ripping my nipple out of the baby's mouth - causing me to cry out in agony.    Yup, I try.....

too calm

Just so you know, the reason I haven't been around here too often lately is - apparently - our life right now is too calm.  We simply don't have enough going on.  Our life is boring and needs......something.

Apparently, it is time to buy a house!

(Isn't there some kind of "list"?  A list of the top most stressful things you can go through?  I think we've got that list down pat!  In fact, we like to combine stressful experiences - just for fun!)

So anyway, that's what I've been doing.  Looking at real estate sites, searching out possible homes, determining what our needs vs. wants are, figuring out financial requirements, and lots of prayers for wisdom and discernment.  And we haven't even started actually looking at houses yet!

Luckily, we live in the church parsonage and have little hindrances on this end (don't have to sell another house, don't have to worry about a lease, etc.).  We also happen to be in a great buyers-market..........if this is the time the Lord has for us to buy a home, we could stand to get the most house for our money (which is great, since we don't have all that much money!!).

I'm trying (really trying) not to get too excited yet.  Buying a home, THIS home - at THIS time in our lives - is really exciting to me.  It's a home we will live in for years to come!  A place for the kids to really remember as "home".  A place we can settle into, put down some roots, feel as though, yes, this is OUR home.  

And no, I'm not a patient person - I'm working on it - and the Lord is working on me.  So I'll try to be patient and not rush all this.  We want to pray each step that we take, making sure we are looking to what God wants for us, and not just what we think WE want.  It's hard, at least for me it is....;)

So there ya go - in my "spare time" I'll be searching out a home for this crazy family of mine (including space for my folks a few years down the road).  We simply don't fit in your standard 3bedrm/2bath home, so who knows how long this will all take?!  At least I can rest in the knowledge that GOD has a plan for us - and He loves us!!

(Although I'm still impatient.........this process takes WAY too long...........)

;)

Secret Identities.....shhhhhh!

Here is the latest favorite movie of my kiddos.  They watch this once a day.  It's a Netflix movie, so we'll just keep it awhile.  Today, during our daily viewing....the kids began acting out scenes.....and pretending they were certain characters.

Here's the lowdown:

First: the Furious Five!!

:MASTER CRANE:

(aka:  Isaac Benjamin)

:Master Tigress:

(aka: Selah Isabella)

:Master Monkey:

(aka:  Elijah Rock)

:Master Viper:

(aka:  Talitha Elizabeth)

:Master Mantis:

(aka: Micah Dean)

:Dragon Warrior ~ Master Po:

(aka:  Daddy/Dean ~ 'cause he's got the belly)

:Master Shifu:

(aka:  Momma/Lori ~ 'cause I *am* their master!!)

:Tai Lung ~ BAD GUY!:

(aka:  their uncle Kenni ~ 'cause he does 'the claw!')

:Master Oogway ~ the really old Master Turtle:

(aka:  their PAPA!!  how sweet)

Fun stuff with the kiddos~

the sky is falling!!

BANG!  CRASH!!

MOMMA!!!

You just *know* this isn't going to be good.....

After a crazy, yet rewarding day of baking, bathing, schooling, laundering, reading and loving - I was simply trying to spend some time nursing and cuddling with my new baby Micah.  Silly me~

Isaac comes running up the steps.  I was straining to hear any possible crying that would indicate an actual *injury* and not just a mess.  No cries, just yelling.  Isaac runs in and breathlessly cries "My ceiling fell down!"  (the boys' room is downstairs - w/ a drop ceiling)

great.

"Well, not my *whole* ceiling (whew...).  Just four pieces (what?!)"

And how exactly did four pieces of your ceiling fall down, Isaac?

"I don't know"  said so innocently - ya right!!  "Well, ACTUALLY, someone slammed the door and they just fell down".

Who slammed the door?

"Elijah" said without hesitation - 'cause he is only 2yo and still unable to defend himself, the perfect scapegoat.  I highly doubt Elijah was able to slam the door with the necessary force to knock down the ceiling.....but, whatever....

Ok, fine.  Just get everyone out of the room, turn off the light and close the door.  We'll wait until your father gets home and can take a look at it.  Isaac runs off.

I then hear more little feet running up the stairs, across the kitchen floor, towards my room (I'm still attempting to nurse the baby).

MOMMA!!!  

Yes, little ones.  (Talitha 3yog & Elijah 2yob)

Momma, the roof fell down!!  The roof fell down!!

so sweet....;)

Life with Many Small Children: Use Your Servants!

Yes, we all have servants in our home!

One of my favorites is the dishwasher. I seriously hate to do dishes - just ask...well, anyone who knows me fairly well! Yet with this many small children, dishes are a fact of life.

Thankfully, our rental (the church parsonage) has a terrific new dishwasher. The last one "died" not that long ago and the church (quickly - PTL!) replaced it with a nice, shiny, new model!

Of course I use my dishwasher for washing dishes - duh! - yet I try to "think outside the box" and use it for other cleaning jobs. This saves me TIME (a *valuable* commodity around here) and energy. Here's some ideas you may not have thought of:

I throw the small baking rack and dish from this toaster-oven in the dishwasher.  The toaster oven is used and fairly old, but it works - and is much cleaner now!

I know you're not supposed to put wooden spoons in the dishwasher, but I always do.  I've had this set of wooden spoons for years (they were cheap) and they've always been cleaned in the dishwasher.  

They may be a bit warped after a while, but hey....that's called character, right?!?  *wink*

The knobs on the front of the stove - especially after frying up some bacon or browning hamburger.....they just get gross.

I toss in my microwave oven's turn-table plate in the dishwasher every so often.  I wipe out my microwave often (I *hate* gross microwaves....they're.....um...gross!), but a run through the dishwasher just makes it feel cleaner~

How about this one?  The globes on your ceiling fan lights!  My ceiling fans were pretty dusty and gross in the kitchen (and the light globes in the bathroom).  I just put the globes on the top rack (carefully and away from anything else that might break them during the cycle) and they come out shiny and wonderfully clean!  Ahhhhhhhhh...... ;)

Some other ideas:

*I toss binkies in the utensil compartment (they get much cleaner this way than if I just clean them by hand - although I do have to check them more often for wearing-out, obviously)

*Scrubby-sponges get thrown in the dishwasher occasionally.

*When I clean out my fridge (ya, 'cause that happens *SOOOO* often around here - NOT!!), I put whatever pieces I can fit into my dishwasher.  While that cycle is running, I clean out the rest by hand - saves me time and always looks better than if I did the whole thing by hand.

*Certain baby/kid toys can take a run through the dishwasher here and there - so much drooling.......ick.

*The tub-toys.  They just sit there, in the tub-toy-catch-all, and I'm afraid they're getting all moldly and yucky.  So I run 'em through a cycle here and there.  Just makes me feel better, I guess, and that's okay!!

I can't think of anymore off the top of my head.  Anyone else have some other ideas?  Please share.  I don't do most of these things OFTEN nor on a regular basis - just here and there, as I think of it, as I find the time (ha!).  

Whoo-hoo!!  I love this particular servant of mine!

p.s.  Here's a new breakfast meal idea!  This is called Omlette Spiral (or something like that).  It's an egg-milk-cream cheese mixture - baked - then topped with whatever omlette fixin's you want (show here:  sausage, onion, peppers & cheese).  With a side of toast, it's a yummy "pretty-looking" meal - for company or just your loved ones!!

[I was just so happy with how it turned out, I *had* to share!] ~Lori

Around the home (w/ a newborn)

~the real reason I couldn't stay on the low-carb/sugars diet:  my dh brought home doughnuts!~

~a recent find (after Micah was born) at a second-hand kid's shop:  LOVE IT!!~

~another 2nd-hand find (about $50 new / $25 second-hand):  

and a gift from my folks!  Thanks!!~

~a pic of that "scrap-blankie" I crocheted up before Micah arrived - 

also looks great here in my front room sitting area!~

~the square shape of this blankie also works well for 

wrapping up lil' Micah like a "baby burrito"~

~our sweet baby cradle......okay, okay.....I admit it.....baby sleeps in our king-size bed most of the time.  I'm working on it........slowly (I'm enjoying my sleep WAAAAAY too much at this point!)~

~here's my 0-3 month boy clothes bin:  

I still don't have an idea for how to organize 3 boys' clothes in the boy's room closet~

~so for now I made up some "dividers" and I'm just using the actual bin to hold the clothes.  

It works fine, for now, since he's so little~

My Basket-of-Necessity!

~Here's my basket of vitamins/supplements, meds, essential oils, even my stevia packets are in there!  I go to this basket first thing in the mornings~

And that's just a quick view of the home since lil' Micah arrived~

p.s.  I went to the store for the first time BY MYSELF with FIVE little kids ~ and I survived.  It wasn't that bad....I'll talk more about some people's reactions later....I'm lovin' my life!! ~L.